mutantoftheday
Every day we hunt down a new mutant asslancer for you. Abuse us or ignore us at your discretion.
emoL: Good morning mutants! Today we have a wonderful, cheery and light blog for you to digest. It comes from a chappie called witchhunterjosh, who is so full of the joys of spring that liquid sunshine drips from his every pore. He skips merrily to his job at the sweetshop, where he delights in watching kiddies faces light up in glee from his sugary treats. Actually, that last part was a lie. I think that mister witchhunter may well be a rather troubled individual, as reflected by the somewhat sombre colourscheme he has chosen - I for one enjoy cranking up the brightness to be able to read anything. This keeps me on my toes and prevents me from ever forgetting how to use the controls on my monitor.
The banner image is quite telling as well - I've never seen someone use an entirely blank image that takes up about a screens worth of space to head a page. Not to shit on your webdesign skills, but sometimes if you present people with an entirely blank screen, they might not think there's any content there. Oh, wait...
This guy is so emo it hurts.
N: I wonder if he'd die if we cut off his fringe? Or would he just cry a lot.
L: How did you know he had a fringe? No, silly question, sorry.
N: Apparently, he "Hunts The Ellusive Mayfly called Love".
L: What?
N: I have some advice for him. Stop being so damned moody, your blog makes me depressed just looking at it. Light up a little and maybe, just maybe, someone will like you and not want to send you on your merry way to the afterlife.
N: Just looking at this thing makes me want to slit my wrists with the nearest object. Luckily my all-consuming hatred for you mutants makes me want to stay alive just to spite you all.
L: I'm still intrigued as to how you compare love to a mayfly. It's small, spindly, brown and you see lots of them in the autumn.
N: Sounds like Mutant Love (tm) to me.
L: "I am so emo, women no longer arouse me. I want hot insect love now."
N: "Gimme some of that hawt bug lovin'."
N: Remember kiddies, always use a condom. Even on bugs.
L: "Ooh, those long legs and sexy wings, how can I refuse?"
N: "I just want to stare longingly into your eyes. All 6 million of them."
N: Hey, if you aimed wrong, wouldn't you drown the bug?
L: It would be heartbreak. On the bright side though, the mayfly is certainly having a worse day.
N: Thats for sure. Message for all you mayfly out there, avoid any depressed looking sod with a fringe.
L: I'm still fascinated by the banner. I just turned up the brightness even more, and I think I saw some text!
N: Oh wait. I think I can make out some bluey-purple crap at the top. No writing though.
L: It's like a magic eye picture, although instead of seeing a cool picture you lose the will to live!
N: Hah! I can feel myself rotting whilst staring at this thing. D'you think its meant to be some deep statement about the hidden depths of his soul or some other crap?
L: I don't know, but I have my magical image pixies currently working on making something out from it.
N: Heh, same here.
L: Ooh, I see it! It says "Hello there." Somehow, that's even more depressing than the alternative.
N: Oh no, I Edge Detected it. It seems to be a picture of a dark angely thingummy with the legend "Hello There The Angel From My Nightmare".
N: It feels like a substantial part of my life has been wasted trying to figure this one out.
L: Just as well it's so dark most people can't actually see anything then.
N: Please, whatever your name is, if you're reading this, please tell us why you bothered with this? Did you think it was arty or something? Arty is Elim Klimov's Come and See. This is... I don't know what it is. Mutant Art (tm).
N: If its so dark that noone can figure out what the bloody hell you've put there, whats the point? You just leave this irritating screen sized apparently blank bit at the top which makes people think that the site hasn't loaded properly. Until they scroll down and discover the unbridled joy that is your mutant blog thing.
L: Oh yes! The text! And what a delight that is.
N: Oh dear.
L: I notice that he hasn't quite worked out how to add titles to the posts yet.
N: Even the text is nearly unreadable. Mind you, on this occasion I think this might be a good thing.
L: "I'll keep you my Dirty Little secret" Wait a second - I recognise this. It is song lyrics of the shitty teenypop variety.
L: You know, I think we may well have found Plato's Form of the Emo. The emo that represents every distinguishing characteristic of the entire group. This is Meta-Emo.
N: Oh dear oh dear. Not only is he Emo. He appears to be an emo god-botherer.
L: Well, I wouldn't really hold that against him. I mean lots of nice people have been god botherers. Like Torquemada.
At this point we have to leave you, because I think you've made Norse cry. Yes, you. That, or he has been infected by the misery streaming from this page. Either way, he's had to go for a little lay down.
The banner image is quite telling as well - I've never seen someone use an entirely blank image that takes up about a screens worth of space to head a page. Not to shit on your webdesign skills, but sometimes if you present people with an entirely blank screen, they might not think there's any content there. Oh, wait...
This guy is so emo it hurts.
N: I wonder if he'd die if we cut off his fringe? Or would he just cry a lot.
L: How did you know he had a fringe? No, silly question, sorry.
N: Apparently, he "Hunts The Ellusive Mayfly called Love".
L: What?
N: I have some advice for him. Stop being so damned moody, your blog makes me depressed just looking at it. Light up a little and maybe, just maybe, someone will like you and not want to send you on your merry way to the afterlife.
N: Just looking at this thing makes me want to slit my wrists with the nearest object. Luckily my all-consuming hatred for you mutants makes me want to stay alive just to spite you all.
L: I'm still intrigued as to how you compare love to a mayfly. It's small, spindly, brown and you see lots of them in the autumn.
N: Sounds like Mutant Love (tm) to me.
L: "I am so emo, women no longer arouse me. I want hot insect love now."
N: "Gimme some of that hawt bug lovin'."
N: Remember kiddies, always use a condom. Even on bugs.
L: "Ooh, those long legs and sexy wings, how can I refuse?"
N: "I just want to stare longingly into your eyes. All 6 million of them."
N: Hey, if you aimed wrong, wouldn't you drown the bug?
L: It would be heartbreak. On the bright side though, the mayfly is certainly having a worse day.
N: Thats for sure. Message for all you mayfly out there, avoid any depressed looking sod with a fringe.
L: I'm still fascinated by the banner. I just turned up the brightness even more, and I think I saw some text!
N: Oh wait. I think I can make out some bluey-purple crap at the top. No writing though.
L: It's like a magic eye picture, although instead of seeing a cool picture you lose the will to live!
N: Hah! I can feel myself rotting whilst staring at this thing. D'you think its meant to be some deep statement about the hidden depths of his soul or some other crap?
L: I don't know, but I have my magical image pixies currently working on making something out from it.
N: Heh, same here.
L: Ooh, I see it! It says "Hello there." Somehow, that's even more depressing than the alternative.
N: Oh no, I Edge Detected it. It seems to be a picture of a dark angely thingummy with the legend "Hello There The Angel From My Nightmare".
N: It feels like a substantial part of my life has been wasted trying to figure this one out.
L: Just as well it's so dark most people can't actually see anything then.
N: Please, whatever your name is, if you're reading this, please tell us why you bothered with this? Did you think it was arty or something? Arty is Elim Klimov's Come and See. This is... I don't know what it is. Mutant Art (tm).
N: If its so dark that noone can figure out what the bloody hell you've put there, whats the point? You just leave this irritating screen sized apparently blank bit at the top which makes people think that the site hasn't loaded properly. Until they scroll down and discover the unbridled joy that is your mutant blog thing.
L: Oh yes! The text! And what a delight that is.
N: Oh dear.
L: I notice that he hasn't quite worked out how to add titles to the posts yet.
N: Even the text is nearly unreadable. Mind you, on this occasion I think this might be a good thing.
L: "I'll keep you my Dirty Little secret" Wait a second - I recognise this. It is song lyrics of the shitty teenypop variety.
L: You know, I think we may well have found Plato's Form of the Emo. The emo that represents every distinguishing characteristic of the entire group. This is Meta-Emo.
N: Oh dear oh dear. Not only is he Emo. He appears to be an emo god-botherer.
L: Well, I wouldn't really hold that against him. I mean lots of nice people have been god botherers. Like Torquemada.
At this point we have to leave you, because I think you've made Norse cry. Yes, you. That, or he has been infected by the misery streaming from this page. Either way, he's had to go for a little lay down.
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